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UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ]

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Eternal
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PostSubject: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Wed 30 Apr 2014, 5:08 am



Uzumaki, Menma

THE INFO.

Name: Menma Uzumaki
Nickname: N/A
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Appearance: Menma's hair is white-ish blonde. It's very messy, with every small spike of it pointing somewhere other than it's roots. He likes his hair shaggy, or short, either or. The maximum length of his hair can go down to the focal point of his neck, but nothing lower. His longer than average bangs generally conceal most parts of his black leather forehead protector. His eyes are so deep in cobalt hue that they reach to the bottom of the ocean. There is nothing important about the boy's skin, other than the fact that it's slightly paler than average. His build is lean, with a generic amount of muscle for a boy of his age. From the point of view of other people, mostly girls, his facial features can be considered handsome. His eyes catch the senses and the soul of those who look into them, but at the same time they are capable of catching hearts and adorning his already handsome appearance.

Menma's attire involves an unhealthy dose of orange, his favorite color. His main outfit worn outside involves a long sleeved orange coat. This coat has slightly bigger than average sleeves, and the collar is short, dirt-like white, and it's material is somewhat fluffy. This coat also has a zipper, just like any other, and a quarter of the top half of it is a dark blue tint. Commonly, due to his liking for this coat, Menma wears it open, with a fishnet loose short sleeved short under it. He wears orange pants along with it, which, on the right thigh, have a black kunai pouch wrapped around the leg. The pants reach down to his lower-ankles, and the few inches of his ankles that are revealed are out within the open. Menma commonly wears dark blue ninja tabi boots along with this outfit. Within a situation that involves combat, Menma carries a gourd, which is filled with 60ml worth of water, to perform techniques which require it.

Usually the Gourd is attached to his physique by a strap matching the color of his ninja tabi boots and his stormy cobalt irises. One of the only reasons Menma's physique is toned and somewhat muscular is due to the fact that he trained himself to adjust to the weight of the Gourd until he learned how to create Water without a source. He isn't the type of person to wear accessories, period. When not outside, Menma wears a short sleeved shirt which is of a bright silver-ish white, with the red sphere representing the Uzumaki clan printed in the center of it's fibrous material. He wears black khaki shorts to go along with it, and simple white sandals. He tends not to wear his headband when in this type of attire.

Any type of outfit he wears, Menma's blonde hair and his love for orange always make him noticeable, regardless where he is. His type of appearance allows him to be recognized from a crowd of the tallest people in the world, because he is so flashy with his body features. His height is quite generic for his age, reaching 5'4".
Forehead Protector: Forehead
Personality: Menma can be described in a handful of words, caring, intelligent, laid back and short fused. He can be considered caring because he will go out of his way to help others, whether or not they are strangers, and whether or not he hates them. He helps his family and friends the most, even going to the point of exhausting himself to complete a task for another person if they can't do it on their own. Menma can be considered intelligent because he uses his substantial IQ to learn techniques, master them, and adjust to different things more easily. His ability to learn techniques and elements is astoundingly high, and he will barely be exhausted in terms of fatigue even after completing such labor.

His ability to master techniques is surprising, too. He can go a complete day of training one technique and not get frustrated over it. He can be considered laid back because he never shows much emotion to things that don't completely piss him off. He is calm within combat, giving himself the oppurtunity to think well and make a strategy which will counter his enemy's own. He can be consider short fused because he barely cares about how people think of him, but can be easily antagonized by those who say that the color blue or orange suck. Also, he CANNOT stand whiny girls. He hates girls with high pitched voices, short hair or lots of makeup. He also dislikes people who disrespect higher-ups or girls that deserve respect.

Menma treats his family with a high amount of respect, even if they don't return it. He knows that they dislike him, but that doesn't stop him from helping them with chores they cannot do on their own. He can be stubborn with his family, but other than that his will to not do things is never revealed around other people. Menma can certainly be considered mysterious, and he is so quick and unnoticeable that people often think that he appears out of nowhere. People think of him as a kind genius. He doesn't let his royalty, massive amounts of money, or intelligence turn him into an asshole. He thrives to help people to prove to them that he isn't a jerk.

Menma, despite the fact that he may look like he is emotionless, does have feelings. He has feelings for how his family thinks about him, how they feel about his determination to prove that he isn't a failure of his clan's symbol, he cares about how his friends think about him, if he has any.
Clan: Uzumaki Clan
Nindō: "I'll protect those I cherish within my heart, regardless if my life is on the line, that is my nindo, my ninja way."

THE NINJA.

Origin: Land of Fire
Affiliation: Hidden Leaf/Konohagakure
Rank: Genin
Specialities: Ninjutsu;Taijutsu
Elemental Affinities: Water and Earth
Combat Style: Menma focuses upon all ranges of fighting with his diverse techniques and capabilities in battle. In terms of long and medium range, Menma mostly uses his Ninjutsu, which is for the most part, the specialization of Water and Earth elements. This is fundamental to his style of battle, allowing him to throw out any Ninjutsu necessary while at the same time thinking through his attacks in a matter of seconds with his sense of strategics.

His speed itself is above average, allowing him to accelerate at a pretty fast pace, with the penalty of tiring himself out in a matter of five minutes of using such a consistent rate. He has near marksman accuracy, and he can at the same time keep up with most opponents. Surprisingly, he isn't very durable, which is why he relies on dodging techniques instead of taking them.

His speed with handseals is proficient compared to other known Genin, and along with that his strategic ability allows him to quickly confuse the opponent and force them into bailing the match with stupid and un-thought out attacks. His type of fighting style is normally known as the will breaker, to confuse the opponent to the point they do whatever they can to manage in battle.

In terms of Taijutsu, Menma is quite good at that as well. He is capable of performing somewhat advanced combined attacks in order to baffle his opponent with their speedy and damaging power. Along with that, due to his ability to form handseals quickly, he is capable of summoning Water Clones during battle to upkeep his attacks and add on more to his string of fighting.
Special Characteristics:
Name: High IQ
Rank: C
Type: Mental Based
Prerequisites: -
Training: A 600 word training is required to gain this special characteristic.
Restrictions: -
Description: The ninja innately possesses a high IQ which gives them great practical and analytical prowess. They have vast knowledge in nearly all forms of combat giving them a upper hand when faced with nearly any attack with being able to execute split second counters. With their high IQ the user can determine weak spots in attacks and defenses and can overcome nearly any obstacle. Like the obvious benefits of being very smart, the ninja is well regarded for their great mathematical and thinking abilities.

Name: Infinite Riches
Rank: C
Type: Social Based
Prerequisites: -
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: The ninja gains near infinite Ryo from either inheritance or a unknown circumstance which makes them filthy rich and now highly respected in their village. They can now live in large mansions in their villages and possess the latest technology and training equipment. They can purchase anything without fear of running out of money which makes them both popular and feared for their power.

THE BACKGROUND.

History: Menma was born on July 24th. At his birth his mother and his father were engaged to be married. It was obvious that he was not a full out Uzumaki due to the fact that his hair was not red. This was because his mother had hair just like his, so he inherited it. His family's insecurity towards him began when he was 6, and he'd said he'd become a shinobi who didn't need Fuuinjutsu to become strong.

His family became wary of his goals, and tried to render them, but the stubborn boy didn't let them. As he grew up he said his ideals were his alone, and no one else's.

Menma began to train on his own at the age of 8, around the time he joined the Ninja Academy, to prove that he wasn't a failure of his clan for not wanting to become a Fuuinjutsu specialist. He pursued into the arts of Ninjutsu, learning the Water element a year after beginning his solo training. His family treated him completely fine, and they had no problem with him wanting to gain his own profession in terms of a shinobi. The rest of his clan disliked him, other than a few people whom knew that he was going to become a splended shinobi someday.

Upon entering the Ninja Academy, he joined a group of children, becoming their main surplus of intelligence with his hard labor he performed to get great grades within his class. He once protected a girl from being beaten up for disrespecting the "best" kids. He didn't know the girl much, but she later came to like him somewhat. Due to his father's infamous completion of multiple S-Rank missions, his small family became extremely wealthy. Many people began to respect him for his money, but this money didn't change his outlook on the life he cherished so much.

He inherited his nindo soon after defending the same girl yet again, and soon afterwards he passed the Genin Exam and became an official Genin. Around the time he was prepared to enter the Chuunin Exams, he inherited his second element, Earth, but ended up not attending the Chuunin Exams when he found out that he needed a team to do such. Prepared to enter a team, Menma honed his social skills, and requested to join multiple teams, but a few denied him, awaiting the rest of his results, he began to train once more to prove himself.
Roleplay Sample: Menma discerned the oncoming forces of former Kumogakure ninja, which raced towards him. He allowed a flicker of yellow light to bypass his physique before he vanished in an obscure of brightness. He materialized above the men, allowing a brisk paced structuring of handseals to be performed, before a substantial blast of water escaped his maw, inaugurating itself into a wave with a dragon upon the front, descending downwards and imploding into a detonation of liquid, mass murdering a large region of the army.

Menma vanished within a flicker again, before the Kumogakure shinobi could manage to spot him above them. One by one, the Kumogakure shinobi suddenly descended into the ground, their heads poking out with the rest of their body submerged beneath the earth. Menma appeared infront of the army, only the general remaining. He flicked two kunai knives, and as expected, the general avoided them as they lacerated within two nearby trees, but suddenly, nearly translucent colorless wires swung around the tree, and the kunai knives veered backwards in a low clockwise rotation at the height of the Kumogakure shinobi's necks with a tug of the strings. Menma smiled, such a sadistic sarcasm enraging the Kumogakure shinobi as each and every one of their heads were sliced off by the two kunai knives.

Menma soon afterwards allowed himself to bound off the verdant to avoid the army commander whom had tried sneaking behind him. The army commander dilated both of his irises at the two kunai knives one third of a meter away, "Oh sh----"Before he could finish his uttering of explicit natured language, both kunai knives thrusted within either one of the areas of the man's vest, each one having stabbed through his nipple, blood spurring out, as the kunai knives tugged through, ripping two holes in either side of the man's body, flesh pouring from the holes. Menma dropped the wires which he'd controlled the kunai knives with, and vanished in a yellow flash before reinforcements could come to confront the man who took down one thousand with two kunai knives and a body flicker like technique.

THE ARSENAL.

Equipment:
 
Earth Release:
 
Water Release:
 
Miscellaneous:
 
Basic:
 
FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Uzumaki, Naruto
Source: Naruto
Image URL: Uzumaki, Naruto


Last edited by Eternal on Fri 16 May 2014, 12:18 am; edited 9 times in total
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MsMoney
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Fri 02 May 2014, 4:27 pm


  • From the title of your app you are missing what village and rank you are applying for. Example: [Konoha Genin].

  • Below the image at the top of your app where it says LAST NAME, FIRST NAME - you are required to put your chars name. We also require his last name in the normal Name section.

  • Your appearance and personality are both seriously lacking. For each section I'd like you to write two paragraphs. And do note that a single paragraph reaches around 250 words. We need all of his physical measuring; how tall he is, weight, facial features, eye colour etc. Tell us of his likes and dislikes. How he handles his every day problems etc.

  • You need to link your clan to the app.

  • The Nindo is more meant to be something that your character says: "To protect those that are dear to me, that's my way of the ninja" or something like that.

  • Origin is country.

  • You can have two specialities and two elements to start with.

  • Your combat style needs to be at least one solid paragraph where you describe his approach to a fight, his weaknesses and strengths etc.

  • Your history needs more information. What is his family life like? What are his goals now in life? Share a bit more information about him. It can also be put in bulletins with the most crucial information.

  • You can start with 15 Jutsu, not counting the academy jutsu list with that.

  • You are missing the link to an image of your FC.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Fri 02 May 2014, 9:04 pm

:/ I honestly hate defining personality, and I don't know what else to put in his appearance, he doesn't wear an entire dresser's worth of clothing.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Fri 02 May 2014, 9:15 pm

You don't say anything about his body build, height or weight, how he carries himself, how he usually wears his hair, facial features, muscular or skinny etc etc. There's a ton to be added. Smile

And I'm sorry to hear that you hate defining personality, but it is still required. Do as much as you can, and I will look over it again and see if it is satisfactory. Talk about his likes and dislikes, elaborate on how he has either mood swings or is always the same. What ticks him off and what makes him happy? Etc.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Fri 02 May 2014, 11:19 pm

Alright, thanks for the suggestions. But I never heard anything that has to do with making people do 500 words for personality and appearance on a Genin, it's too time consuming. Even adding those suggestions it still doesn't take me near to this "250" word paragraph which is more like an essay.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Sat 03 May 2014, 3:39 pm

Well as a genin you are required to post at least 250 words in each role-playing post, so I mean you should be fine with having at least that in your descriptions. Here on US we ask for a bit more of an effort from members, and especially those that are applying for clans. An applicant for the Uzumaki clan needs to show me a bit more of a will to write and make an effort.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Sat 03 May 2014, 7:32 pm

I can type 250 words in each post, besides, i already added all I can.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Sat 03 May 2014, 8:15 pm

My apologies but I will not be able to give my approval for this application until more depth has been added to it. I don't intend to lower the standards that are set on this site, and therefore allow one single member a different treatment than the rest. I ask that you add more to your descriptions of appearance, personality and combat style, and if you reach a bit more than a paragraph and can satisfy me with the quality then I will give my approval. But do note that there is a high possibility that I will not allow you to apply for the Uzumaki clan, since those who apply for clans are set for higher standards.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Sat 03 May 2014, 10:49 pm

Oh my freaking god! There are -NO- standards mentioned on the creation guidelines. I can't add depth to something that doesn't need depth!
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Mon 05 May 2014, 1:14 am

I am trying to work with you and I'd like you to meet me half way through.  What I need to see is the will to try and work with the suggestions given by a mod.  Already I have told you that sure I'll not ask for 500 words but instead I'd like you to at least have the courtesy to say "alright cool, maybe I'll try this out and see if I can't reason a bit with her and maybe add a bit more".  What I see right now instead is you not willing to budge at all, you don't ask if you could possibly talk to me on other grounds so we could work something out.  Instead you say no and start using "Oh my freaking god!" instead of taking a breather and talking to me like a civilized person.  Explaining your point instead of going for the usual "it doesn't say in the guide and therefore I don't have to" phrase.  The guidelines are -guidelines-, they don't pin point every single word there is to be said or done.  US creation mods are given the free reigns to mod people alongside the guidelines; see what the members are capable of and deciding on our own accordance just what more we want to see from each individual.

I need to see that you are someone willing to -try-, and not simply dig your heels in as soon as someone asks for a bit more written.  I am not known for saying "No" to people if they don't do exactly what I tell them to do.  I make compromises, but what I need is some effort instead.  I don't like it when people apply for a prestigious clan and then flat out say no without any compromise when I'd like to see some more quality to the writing.  

I already gave you suggestions, I am more than willing to help you out if you need it through PM after you reach your post count, or even through Skype if you so desire.  I will remain civil and polite throughout our encounter, but I'd like you to know that if the aggression level rises more from this point from your behalf, then so will I start putting my foot down.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 06 May 2014, 2:36 am

Redid my personality and appearance, my appearance reached....513 I believe, and my personality reached 431.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Mon 12 May 2014, 12:05 am

The application is looking really good Smile Thanks so much for working with me on this. There are only a few tiny details left before you reach the first approval!

- You don't mention his height in appearance, but that is often quite crucial for others to know when they RP with you.

- You need to state the dominant range of your Weaponry and the sub range.

- You need to expand more on the combat style, reaching at least 200 words.

- I am pretty sure I counted 10 Jutsu on your app, but you are allowed to start with 15 if you so desire.

- You can also start with some weapons, 2 C rank ones of your dominant range and overall 15 D rank ones of either range you picked.

- You need to have a link to the image link in FC, not an image.
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Keos
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Mon 12 May 2014, 3:03 am

In addition to what MsMoney asked you to change, I'd like to see a couple more things changed as well.

First, please replace your face claim with this format, as this is what follows what the rules dictate:

Code:
Character Claim: Uzumaki, Naruto.
Source: Naruto
Image URL: [url=http://images.17173.com/2013/news/2013/07/22/lj0722bz15s.jpg]Link[/url]

And then, please organize your Arsenal in spoilers, separating your Jutsu by Specialty or Element, for practical and aesthetic reasons.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 13 May 2014, 12:52 am

Understood and fixed everything but didn't understand this:

MsMoney wrote:
- You need to state the dominant range of your Weaponry and the sub range.

If I do add it, do I add the range by meters? I'm not familiar with the metric system, and I don't know where to add it, sorry.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 13 May 2014, 2:41 am

I am hoping I wasn't blind before and you really did have weaponry in your specialties instead of taijutsu as you do now.

But what I mean is, weaponry on US has three ranges to choose from (and weapons to choose for each range). The ranges are long, mid and close. If you go to Open Equipment you will see the weapons there and what weapon goes with each range. So you choose two of the three available ranges, and set up the weapon selection according to that.

However, if you have decided to go Taijutsu now then there is no need to worry about that. x)

1/2 approved.
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Aaron
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 13 May 2014, 8:26 am

  • Considering you're applying for an Uzumaki, I'd like to see some more added to your history. At the moment, it's rather brief.

  • You only currently have 10 out of your 15 available starting jutsu. I would advice you make use of all 15 slots (Academy jutsu don't count), as you will have to purchase them once your character is approved.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 13 May 2014, 5:41 pm

To be honest I don't know what more history to add, there isn't really anything unique about a genin that I can add.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 13 May 2014, 7:55 pm

Your history is your opportunity to flesh out your character. Considering you are applying for a limited clan, you especially should consider grasping this concept. Try looking at other characters on the site for inspiration. I can assure you there are 'unique' things you can add about a Genin. Rank is not indicative of individuality on this site. Therefore, I implore you to reconsider, as currently, your history is the only thing that stands in the way of your approval.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Thu 15 May 2014, 5:34 pm

Isn't 299 words enough for History? My mind is blank in terms of whatever I can add to my history.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Thu 15 May 2014, 7:48 pm

It's not exactly about quantity, but quality. You mention nothing whatsoever of your character before the age of 8. For a Genin, that's a large proportion of their life. You haven't explored why his clan do not like him, or much of his family life. There are numerous aspects of your character's history you have left open to interpretation.
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Eternal
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Fri 16 May 2014, 12:20 am

Added a paragraph or two about his life before the age of 8.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Sat 17 May 2014, 8:02 pm

Approved
2.2

Don't forget to make your account here.
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PostSubject: Re: UZUMAKI, MENMA [ Konoha Genin ] Tue 22 Jul 2014, 3:51 am

Archived due to inactivity and failure to complete the activity check..
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