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Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin]

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AKUMU ONI
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PostSubject: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Mon 14 Jan 2013, 4:47 am


Spoiler:
 

Yuki, Tōshō {Frost Bite}.

THE INFO.

Name: Yuki, Tōshō {Frost Bite}
Nickname: Kiri komo kaze no oni {The Demon of The Kirigakure Wind}
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Spoiler:
 


Forehead Protector: Located around his helmet and placed around his forehead. Proudly displaying the fact that he is from Kirigakure.

Personality:
Spoiler:
 



Clan: Yuki clan
Nindō: To become a powerful commodity to his village and to his clan "Smart people speak from experience and smarter people from experience don’t speak.”

THE NINJA.

Origin: Mizu no Kuni
Affiliation: Kirigakure
Rank: C

Specialties:
Main: Ninjutsu
Sub: Weaponry "Main: close-range; Sub: Mid-range."

Elemental Affinities:
Main: Water
Sub: Wind
Advanced: Ice Release

Combat Style: Ba Gua Zhang: based on the theory of continuously changing in response to the situation at hand in order to overcome an opponent with skill rather than brute force. By circling around and circumventing incoming force and resistance, then he applies his own body power from a position of superiority. This strategy allows the smaller and weaker fighter to apply maximum force from an angle at which the larger and stronger opponent cannot resist, effectively making the weaker fighter more powerful at that moment. Tosho has always had a weakness for ambush attacks. Never really being able to sense that there is danger nearby he falls for them easily, but once the enemy is in the open or he knows where the enemy is, he has no problem holding his own.

Special Characteristics:
Name: Increased Chakra Capacity
Rank: C
Type: Chakra Based
Physical Requirements: N/A
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: Through extensive meditation and physical training the ninja's chakra capacity increases by 20CP.

Name: Suiton Prodigy
Rank: C
Type: Chakra Based
Physical Requirements: Must have Water Affinity
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: A trait given to ninja who possess a natural talent for water manipulation and has trained thoroughly to improve their skill. Their power over the water element becomes so talented that the ninja is now considered a young prodigy in the water element. Because of this, the user's water techniques are 20% more powerful with their increased in pressure and size.

Name: Fuuton Prodigy
Rank: C
Type: Chakra Based
Physical Requirements: Must have Wind Affinity
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: A trait given to ninja who posses a natural talent for wind manipulation and has trained thoroughly to improve their skill. Their power over the wind element becomes so talented that the ninja is now considered a young prodigy in the wind element. Because of this, the user's wind techniques are 20% more destructive with their pressure, size, and slicing ability.

THE BACKGROUND.

History:
Spoiler:
 

Roleplay Sample:
Spoiler:
 

THE ARSENAL.

Academy Jutsu:
Spoiler:
 

Ninjutsu - Suiton:
Spoiler:
 


Ninjutsu-Fuuton:
Spoiler:
 

Non-Elemental Ninjutsu:
Spoiler:
 

Weaponry:
Spoiler:
 

Secret Clan Jutsu:
Spoiler:
 

Basic Equipment:
Spoiler:
 

Weapons:
Spoiler:
 

FACE CLAIM.

Spoiler:
 


Last edited by AKUMU ONI on Fri 25 Jan 2013, 3:55 am; edited 13 times in total
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MsMoney
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Wed 16 Jan 2013, 6:40 pm

Hey there. So a few things;


  • Quote :
    The Yuki clan possesses long silky black hair and dark brown eyes.

    I'm afraid it's not an option about your character's hair (or eyes for the matter). You can however say that he dyes his hair, if you insist on keeping the blue-ish color. As for the rest of the appearance, then more detail is needed. You say nothing about his facial features or eyes; and we require that kind of detail even if he tends to wear a helmet or a mask.

  • Please link the clan to your application in a manner that the name of it can be pushed for the link. If you do not know the coding then it is like this:
    Code:
    [url=http://www.ultimateshinobi.org/t3155-yuki-clan]Yuki clan[/url]

  • About your SC, it might be easier for you to apply for an already existing SC. As yours seems to mainly effect jutsu from other clan members of the Yuki clan (and there are about 2 others on the site), and such it might be a waste of a SC slot. However! If you really want it, then it is no problem. The things that need editing are;

    It would need to be ranked C - S. How much cold can he withstand? We need a specific number here, and he can't be immune to frost bite and cold in general but he can have more resistance to it. The SC should also be open for other members, if that would sit well with you. I believe that is one of the requirements of making an SC but if you read somewhere something else then feel free to correct me. Also, the correct template for making an SC is:
    Code:
     [b]Name:[/b] Improved Speed
    [b]Rank:[/b] C
    [b]Type:[/b] Physical Based
    [b]Physical Requirements:[/b] N/A
    [b]Training Requirements:[/b] A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
    [b]Description:[/b]

  • You have to put up an rp sample, not a link to a thread.

  • Name: Certain-Kill Ice Spears: This jutsu needs a number of how many spears it can make, and also how big exactly the spears get. Needs a base chakra cost for a specific number of spears and you will need to list the additional cost for more spears.

  • Ice Prison Technique: Ice underground ? How do you manage to reach far enough underground to get ice? What if you are in a location where there is not even much water underground (such as a desert)? How large of a prison can you create? Needs a chakra per post cost.

  • You have only 13 jutsu, but can have 15. Just a reminder Smile (The E rank jutsu don't count towards the cost)

  • Your combat style could use a little adding to. Like, what is his weakness in combat?

  • Add a tad bit more about his current life in the history. And also, be careful of your grammar. It is not so bad that I would ask you to edit it here. But keep it in mind when you start rp-ing.
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AKUMU ONI
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 5:18 am

BUMP...Ok i think i have fixed the few things i needed to fix
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MsMoney
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:48 am

- You have yet to fix your rp sample. I want blocks of text, not a link.

- For Certain-Kill Ice Spears, you really only need about 3 CP per spear after the first cost of 5 Chakra.

-
Quote :
Ice Prison Technique: Ice underground ? How do you manage to reach far enough underground to get ice? What if you are in a location where there is not even much water underground (such as a desert)? How large of a prison can you create? Needs a chakra per post cost.
You never answered that.

- Two extra things I am going to ask from you; add a little to the personality and appearance. Doesn't need to be much more than 200 words or a bit above that, but mostly so we have a little more to work with. And also, make the appearance rather two similar paragraphs in size rather than one block of text. And my apologies for not wording this out in my first post.
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AKUMU ONI
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Mon 21 Jan 2013, 5:52 am

BUMP.....Fixed it
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CleverYamanaka
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Mon 21 Jan 2013, 11:09 am

Just going to jump in here really quick to say that I counted 17 jutsu on your app, when you're only allowed 15 at creation. So you're going to have to narrow down your jutsu and take out two. That's all. Back to MsMoney
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AKUMU ONI
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Age : 26
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Wed 23 Jan 2013, 4:23 am

Bump....Okay i now have fifteen took two jutsu off.
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CleverYamanaka
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Wed 23 Jan 2013, 6:05 am

Quote :
Name: Certain-Kill Ice Spears
Can you reduce this down to five spikes. Also, obviously you are going to need hand seals for this. Lastly there needs to be some kind of notification that the ice spikes are forming so that it's not just randomly like:

"Ha! My instant ice spikes just insta-appeared through your back!" COOKIE!

Quote :
Name: 風と (Kaze to) “With the wind”
When I have to ask myself "what is this weapon..." you know you need more detail on appearance xD
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Kiseki
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Wed 23 Jan 2013, 11:33 pm

Bump your age to 18 considering hakuman is 30 years old and you are 15 with his body type.
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CleverYamanaka
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Thu 24 Jan 2013, 2:14 am

Kiseki wrote:
Bump your age to 18 considering hakuman is 30 years old and you are 15 with his body type.
Genin can only be 17 years old, max.
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Kiseki
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Thu 24 Jan 2013, 3:33 am

Close enough
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AKUMU ONI
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Age : 26
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Thu 24 Jan 2013, 4:12 am

BUMP.....Ok got that fixed
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CleverYamanaka
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Thu 24 Jan 2013, 9:19 am

Everything looks fine to me.
Approved.
1/2
COOKIE!
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MsMoney
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Fri 25 Jan 2013, 2:52 am

Before I will give my approval, I would want to ask for one thing.

As you had to bump your character's age a little bit, can you then add a tad bit to his history about his current life?
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AKUMU ONI
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Age : 26
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Fri 25 Jan 2013, 4:21 am

BUMP.....Ok added a bit to the history.
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MsMoney
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Sat 26 Jan 2013, 11:03 pm

Clever, you know there is a proper thread for people to bump -themselves- in. But yes, he shall be receiving his (2/2) approval.

Go here to post your account mate.
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Cookie Monster
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Tōshō [Kiri Genin] Sun 16 Jun 2013, 5:10 pm


Archived.
Due to inactivity.

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